Today I had a post scheduled giving insight on how to make a marriage work. It was all about seeing your husband through Christ’s eyes and when your husband is the least favorite person on your list to remember you are serving the Lord. You know a bunch of Christian-ish wife stuff like that.
Then yesterday, with the front door open and a couple of kids already headed to the car, Mr. C and I started to argue. The argument turned into a full-fledged fight. We drove separate cars allowing time for me to simmer to a boil!
Everything I had just written about was lost on me. I was hell-bent on being right. After dropping the kids off to their respective classes, I followed Mr. C into the Worship Center in an understated stomp, in complete silence. I stood with extra space between us. Everyone in church worshiped God and I was pleading my case for righteousness.
I felt like a fraud. Who was I to share any insight on marriage when I was sitting in church pouting like a two-year old? Tears started to stream my face but I could not let it go.
When we sat down I crossed my legs away from Mr. C, placed my elbow on the arm rest and sat with my chin leaning in my hand. I read along in my Bible and took notes. I refused to even acknowledge Mr. C. I was a real life version of how not to treat your husband!
Near the end of the sermon, our pastor started to talk about when Peter cut the guys ear off when Jesus was being arrested in Luke 22. It was then that I heard, “Psst, Hey! Psst.” I turned and Mr. C said, “he should have stapled his ear to his neck.” I looked at his forgive me smile and twinkling eyes and just laid my head on his shoulder. I surrendered my pettiness without a single word.
Whenever Mr. C is getting on my nerves or threatening to do something I disapprove of for the sake of humor I will say, “I will rip your ears off and staple them to your neck!” It’s an inside joke between the two of us that diffuses my natural desire to get angry and puts a smile on both of our faces. You get brownie points if you can name the movie I swiped that line from.
We left church hand in hand and gave each other a good-bye kiss. He had plans to spend the day with our son and the girls and I had a mother/daughter day planned. We spent the rest of the day exchanging text messages, reminding each other just how much we really do love each other.
Our argument was over something so trivial. In the grand scheme of things it didn’t matter. It was what was behind those emotions that did. Mr. C and I were able to later have a discussion without a need to be right but instead a need to be acknowledged.
I spent time in prayer questioning if I was truly competent to be writing on the topic of marriage, or any topic for that matter. I was reminded of a time Mr. C and I would fight into the night, fall asleep in anger and pick right back up the moment we woke for the day. God was clearly not the center of our marriage.
What I discovered is having a perfect marriage is not what qualifies anyone to teach. Perfect people do not exist. What makes me capable is being in the trenches of a God centered marriage. My qualification is knowing how I want my marriage to be and make steps everyday to get there. It is looking back over the last eleven years and clearly seeing progress.
I have doubts and I have fears but God trumps all. It is because of that you can consider this the forward to my Marriage post later this week.